Theory number 114 is about the true origins of the people of Korea.

Long long time ago, in the country of China, there were people (obviously). In the Chinese culture, pride and ‘face’ is very important in life as well as in death. In life, if one is rich and in a position of power, one is respected. In death, the number of people who cry and wail at one’s funeral determines the level of respect one had in life. Of course, in order not to lose ‘face’ at such a august as well important ceremony as one’s funeral, a special clan called the ‘Mourners’ were formed. Now, the ‘Mourners’ is a much respected clan in the land of China. The reason for this is that the crucial role that they play in society. To be part of this elite clan is not an easy task. There are five criteria that the clan elders look for:

1. The rare ability to cry at a moment’s notice.

2. Whilst crying, one must take absolute care in not messing up the make-up on one’s face.

3. When the crying is over, one’s eyes must not look swollen.

4. One must still look good whilst the tears are rolling down one’s cheeks

5. One should be able to control the route that the tears roll down.

Once these five criteria are met, the new mourners are allowed into this elite society.

However, one day, tragedy struck. One of the members of the mourners angered the great emperor of China. And he decreed that all the mourners be rounded up. Once done, they are to be executed at the break of dawn the following day.

In order to avoid the death penalty, these fervent lovers of life decided to flee the country. In the dead of night, almost all of the mourners escaped onto sampans and rowed their way out of China. Once they were out, a breath of relief escaped their mouths.

However, where are they to go, they thought? They’ve left everything behind, their prestige, their status, everything. On and on they rowed as these nagging thoughts continued to assault their minds just as the waves assaulted their sampans. Day after day, they rowed.

Till one day, they rowed till they can’t find an ounce of strength in their muscles. On the verge of breaking down and wailing at the heavens and the earth, one of them sighted land! Once the news broke through the ranks of people, the mourners were beside themselves with ecstasy.

They landed and they scrambled out of the water-filled sampans and quickly got down on their knees and kissed the sand. So grateful were they that the elite clan of mourners decided to make this land their home.

Hence, this land where the elite groups of mourners live, is known in today’s tongue, as Korea.

Please take this with a bowl of salt. Just a tongue in chic commentary on the amount of tears that the Koreans cry.